Whitey – What You Can Do For Better Race Relations

"What goes around comes around, I figure.
Now we got white kids calling themselves 'nigga'."
-KRS-One, "Aw Yeah"

There is a theory – common mostly among "free-thinkers", "left-wingers" and "touchy-feely types" that words have only as much power as the intention behind them. This is the reason an open-minded person can call his friend a fag with impunity, and is the basis of the reclamation of insults such as nigger and queer. One may not subscribe to the basic concept at play, but the results are undeniable. Such slurs have, by and large, lost their edge in American society. Queer is no longer an insult, it is a battle cry. Nigger is a common personal pronoun among the very people it was coined to degrade. Whether this is the power of the intention behind the word or simply acclimation from repetition (endless repetition if you happen to be a hip-hop fan) is debatable.

The real problem, however, is that only minorities seem to be subject to this deadening of insults, and the majority – the white, middle-to-upper-class, judeo-christian rulers of society (me, and most likely you for instance) are still not granted access to words that minorities throw around with abandon. Picture yourself approaching a young black man on the street and greeting him with "Say, nigger, do you have the time?" You would receive a cold reception at best. Why is this, though? Most would say that it is because the white, middle-to-upper-class, judeo-christian majority coined these terms in the first place, and used them with ill will, and therefore do not have the right to use the reclaimed words and phrases. This is a good point. Others would argue that in general when the white, middle-to-upper-class, judeo-christian majority use such words and phrases, they are often tinted with real hatred, fear or disrespect. This is also a good point. There are even those who would argue the "I can talk shit about my family, but you cannot" line of thought. Also an excellent point. I, however, know the ultimate problem, and I have the ultimate solution.

The thing is, whitey can't join the club because whitey doesn't have a slur to contribute to the pool. Sure, you could consider "whitey" a slur, but it's limp at best. And terms like "cracker", "milktoast" and "peckerwood" are outdated and no longer hold any weight. Yes, whitey needs a truly loathsome slur put to his name in order to join in the club of the verbally oppressed. Something with all of the spite and derision of "nigger", all of the fear and disgust of "fag" and all of the dismissal and disapproval of "wetback".

The problem is, I don't have this word at hand. Maybe because I'm a white, middle-to-upper-class, judeo-christian man myself, maybe because at heart I'm just not that spiteful, or maybe because it is not whitey's lot to invent his own worst insult, I simply do not know what to call myself. So the first part of my solution is this: if you are not a member of the white, middle-to-upper-class, judeo-christian majority I implore you to summon all of your spite, your disdain and your suppressed (or not so suppressed) hatred for us and to come up with the most hateful and degrading name you can find. When you come up with something post it here, then go forth and spread it among whitey. Feel free to call me whatever it is you come up with. I'm strong, I can handle it. The key is, it has to become established as a slur.

Part two of my plan is for whitey to adopt this slur as our own. To appropriate it and make it positive, stripping it of its power. Use it, love it, spread it among your peeps. Then and only then can we join the ranks of the rising oppressed. Once we have overcome our slur, we will finally feel more comfortable using the appropriated slurs of other oppressed peoples. Once we can use the appropriated slurs of other oppressed peoples, true healing can begin.

"But," you say, "what can I do in the meantime? I can't wait for those lazy spics and shiftless niggers to come up with a slur for me! I need to be oppressed now!" Well, my friend, we can spend this time warming up for the main event. In preparation for the big time, start referring to yourself and your white brethren as "peckerwood". I have personally been working on this for about a year and a half, and it has thus far worked out spectacularly. People around me seem to not be offended by the term as much as they used to, I have come to see it as a term of endearment, and the word has lost whatever vestiges of power it may have still had clinging to it.

So, my peckerwoods, I implore you to do your part. Only with full cooperation can we finally bridge the void of hateful words and repair the damage done to our world. All of the damage, that is, caused by words alone and not such trivialities as financial oppression, slavery, wealth, imperialism, and flat-out racism.